17 Things Your Child’s Pediatrician Doesn’t Want to Hear From You

1. I’m sorry to call at 2 a.m. but I don’t think we’ve ever discussed your philosophy on vaccinations.

2. I did a quick Google search on my phone and have to strongly disagree.

3. It turns out that we actually live closer to your home than to your office. Could we just schedule something at your house?

4. Does a high Apgar score have anything to do with being gifted?

5. While we’re here, would you mind taking a look at my mole?

6. Shots are a really big deal in our family. After the visit, instead of stickers, we’ll need you for a quick trophy presentation.

7. According to Jenny McCarthy….

8. There are a lot of coughing children in the waiting room. Is there somewhere else we could wait?

9. I have to jump on a quick conference call. Can you keep your voice down during the exam?

10. Can I get your cell phone number? I don’t like dealing with the answering service. 

11. Can I give YOU some advice?

12. We’re applying to preschools and would love a letter of recommendation from you and from each of your partners.

13. Could you say that a little louder? We’re recording this for our YouTube channel.

14. I see you have diplomas on your wall. Do you have any copies of your actual report cards? 

15. I’m not sure if you saw the blog post I wrote about you, but I just want to you to know I was having a really bad day when I wrote it. I had no idea it would go viral.

16. Did you get my friend request on Facebook?

17. Thanks for calling back so quickly. I was just checking to see how long it would take to reach you if I said it was an emergency.

I Want to Live My Best Life

I want to start living my best life. Oprah talks about Living Your Best Life and look at her! She’s doing it! Is there anyone on the planet living a better life than Oprah? Nope. Except, maybe, Beyoncé. (It’s a tossup when it comes to whether Oprah or Beyoncé is living a better life. Beyoncé is a much better dancer, but Oprah has Gayle.) 

If I’m going to Live My Best Life, I need to do something about my car. It’s a minivan. And it’s dirty. Really dirty. I need to clean it immediately.

Cleaning my minivan was not my highest priority until this morning when my son drew on the dusty passenger door with his finger. And, technically, he didn’t draw, he wrote. My son took his finger and wrote the word “poop” on my car.

I do want to point out that he spelled the word “poop” correctly. I want to find a silver lining because Living Your Best Life is about finding silver linings when possible. And my son’s spelling was perfect! Hooray for that small but important detail! But, no matter how it’s spelled, “poop” is an unacceptable word for someone who is Living Her Best Life to have on her car.

If my son had written “breathe” or “meditate” I might just leave it. But he didn’t. He can’t even spell “meditate” or “breathe” because each has a silent “e.” That’s a shame. This whole mess could have been avoided had the words “meditate” and “breathe” been easier to spell. Or had my six-year-old son been a better speller. Dammit!

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Hello beautiful and sweet-smelling readers! I have a question for you and will be writing a post based on YOUR answers. I will NOT be identifying anyone by their first or last names.

Here’s my question. Are you aware of what the Boy Scouts of America’s CURRENT policy is regarding LGBT scout leaders? I would like to know what you think RIGHT NOW without Googling it or looking at any news stories. And, to be fair to you the reader, I have written about the BSA before and my posts were not flattering. So, I’m not trying to trick anyone. I am trying to get a feel (anecdotally, this is not scientific — because duh) for what people seem to know. And you can answer below or email me at mammalingo@gmail.com. You should also feel free to comment if you know the answer and have strong feelings about it one way or another. And please do this by the EOD Tuesday. Thanks.

What do you think?

About The Student Suspended For Shaving Her Head To Support A Friend With Cancer

Eleven-year-old Delaney Clements is fighting cancer. When she was only seven years old, she was diagnosed with neuroblastoma. Delaney, according to news reports, is very sick.

One in 300 boys and one in 333 girls under age 20 will develop cancer. But those numbers don’t really matter in this particular story. What matters is Delaney.

To her family and her friends, Delaney isn’t 1 in 333 girls. She is one in a million.

Because of chemo, Delaney lost her hair. I do not know Delaney. And I don’t want to pretend that I know what losing her hair means to her. But I’m going to guess that it’s been horrible. Cancer is hell; and losing your hair is hard.

Delaney has a friend named Kamryn Renfro who is in third grade. And Kamryn, who is only in the third grade, did something truly beautiful and brave. She shaved her head this past weekend. She shaved her head to show Delaney, who is fighting for her life, that she isn’t alone.

I said I don’t know Delaney, and I don’t know Kamyrn either – but I think she’s an incredible little girl. When I was in third grade, I cared a lot about “fitting in” with the other kids. I wanted to look as much like everyone else as I could. Wanting to fit in is probably pretty common for third-grade girls. But, Kamryn did the opposite. She stood out. And she stood out for one reason: for Delaney.

The story, even if it stopped here, is enough to make news. A third-grade girl shaved her head to support her dear friend who fights cancer. Because Kamryn demonstrates such tremendous kindness and compassion at such a young age, shaving her head is enough to make a few headlines.

But Kamryn did not make the news in the last few days simply because she shaved her head. Kamryn made the news because shaving her head got her suspended from school.

Kamryn shaved her head over the weekend to support Delaney. And when she got to school on Monday, she wasn’t allowed inside.

The third-grader was suspended because she VIOLATED HER SCHOOL’S DRESS CODE by shaving her head in solidarity with a friend who fights cancer.

There is a strict dress code at Caprock Academy, Kamryn’s state-affiliated, tuition-free, public charter school in Grand Junction, Colorado.

"Caprock Academy does have a detailed dress code policy, which was created to promote safety, uniformity, and a non-distracting environment for the school’s students,” said Catherine Norton Breman, president and chair of the school’s board of directors, in a statement. “Under this policy, shaved heads are not permitted."

The website for Caprock Academy is currently down. But according to Google’s cache of the page from earlier this week, the dress code is, as Breman said, very detailed.

“Ladies’ Hair: Should be neatly combed or styled. No shaved heads. Hair accessories must be red, white, navy, black or brown. Neat barrettes, headbands and ‘scrunchies’ are permissible. Hair should not be arranged or colored so as to draw undue attention to the student. Hair must be natural looking and conservative in its color. Radical changes in hair color during the school year are unacceptable.”

I could write at length about why I strongly disagree with the Caprock Academy dress code. They say it promotes “safety” and “uniformity.” I say it blindly promotes conformity. And the peculiar language about “natural looking” hair truly concerns me. That said, today isn’t the day for me to outline my thoughts on dress codes – but I do want to point out that I am not against all dress codes at all schools all the time.

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