I think it’s time to address something that has been on my mind for a very, very, very long time.
Why are children allowed to eat ice cream cones?
I’m not talking about ice cream. Of course, they should be allowed to eat ice cream. It’s like the number one best part about being a child. Well, maybe the number two best part. I think the number one best part is being able to spin around in circles without barfing. I want to throw up when I just read the word “roller coaster.” Or “swing” Or “barfing.” Shockingly, I digress…
My kids do not know how to eat from ice cream cones. No matter how many times I’ve tried to explain the physics of eating from a cone, they don’t get it. I find myself actually getting mad during what’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience. “Turn the cone. Turn it. Turn it!!!! Lick it! It’s melting! It dripped! It’s dripping! Turn the cone!!!!!! For the love of God, turn it now!”
We give kids training wheels before they can ride bicycles. And most of them drink from sippy cups before moving onto martini glasses.
Please, won’t you join me in boycotting ice cream cones?
I feel a little better.
P.S. I stole this image from the website, “All Over Albany” and I don’t even live there. I’ve never even visited. If you own this image and would like me to remove it, just let me know. I was just particularly taken with it because of that little bit on the right which is ABOUT TO FALL!
P.P.S. I would also like to ban “blue” from ice cream. a) It stains. b) It turns poop green. c) I hope you’re not mad at me for talking about poop. d) I already used the word barfing twice in this post. e) Mentions of barf: 2 Mentions of poop: 2 f) I wasn’t always like this.