If you’re going through a break up or have a friend who might be going through one, I wrote these for you. Really. You specifically. Totally.
1. You don’t have to come up with a plan of action when you need to fart.
2. You’ll find it easier to make fun of the New York Times' wedding announcements.
3. You don’t need to ask polite questions about anyone’s day.
4. …Or listen to their answers.
5. You are available if someone writes a cool “Missed Connections” about you.
6. You don’t have to be a plus one at someone else’s office Christmas party.
7. You can give your tampons better real estate.
8. You may have met your ex in a weird, awkward or embarrassing way and will no longer have to tell that story.
9. You don’t have to go on a 9:00 a.m. bus tour of your own city with someone else’s parents when they visit.
10. You can take showers for as long as you want (and, since the best ideas come when you’re in the shower, you just might cure cancer).
The other 16 are over at the Huffington Post. Here’s a magical link that takes you there. 

If you’re going through a break up or have a friend who might be going through one, I wrote these for you. Really. You specifically. Totally.

1. You don’t have to come up with a plan of action when you need to fart.

2. You’ll find it easier to make fun of the New York Times' wedding announcements.

3. You don’t need to ask polite questions about anyone’s day.

4. …Or listen to their answers.

5. You are available if someone writes a cool “Missed Connections” about you.

6. You don’t have to be a plus one at someone else’s office Christmas party.

7. You can give your tampons better real estate.

8. You may have met your ex in a weird, awkward or embarrassing way and will no longer have to tell that story.

9. You don’t have to go on a 9:00 a.m. bus tour of your own city with someone else’s parents when they visit.

10. You can take showers for as long as you want (and, since the best ideas come when you’re in the shower, you just might cure cancer).

The other 16 are over at the Huffington Post. Here’s a magical link that takes you there. 

I did a rhyme-y thing for the Huffington Post called “The Year in Review in Parenting in Rhyme" or something like that. Maybe I should have said it was a rap? Raps are cool. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. It’s too late. It’s not a rap. Ugh. I blew it.   
Please read it anyway. I beg you. I’m literally on my knees right now begging you to read it. It’s hard to type because I’m on my knees and my laptop is on the table, and I can barely reach. 
Please. 

I did a rhyme-y thing for the Huffington Post called “The Year in Review in Parenting in Rhyme" or something like that. Maybe I should have said it was a rap? Raps are cool. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. It’s too late. It’s not a rap. Ugh. I blew it.   

Please read it anyway. I beg you. I’m literally on my knees right now begging you to read it. It’s hard to type because I’m on my knees and my laptop is on the table, and I can barely reach. 

Please. 

I’m A Social Media Consultant!

At least, I am for today. What qualifies me to call myself one? The same thing that qualifies all those other people who call themselves that. Nothing in particular.  

But, I do have some tips over at the Huffington Post for updating your lonely Facebook page now that the election is over. Because, the election is over, right? I’ve been kind of busy this week and haven’t caught up on the news yet. 

Are you ready for tomorrow’s water cooler anecdote? According to a story on Huffington Post Parents, this mother gave birth to twins last night in Kenya. She named the brothers, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. 
Of course, this NOW makes the Birther Theory Morons right. Barack Obama was born in Kenya. And Mitt Romney was born in Kenya last night, too. 
(On an unrelated note, does the Donald J. Trump clothing line at Macy’s sell well? And, if yes, that’s gross. Fun fact: the J is for Jackass.)

Are you ready for tomorrow’s water cooler anecdote? According to a story on Huffington Post Parents, this mother gave birth to twins last night in Kenya. She named the brothers, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. 

Of course, this NOW makes the Birther Theory Morons right. Barack Obama was born in Kenya. And Mitt Romney was born in Kenya last night, too. 

(On an unrelated note, does the Donald J. Trump clothing line at Macy’s sell well? And, if yes, that’s gross. Fun fact: the J is for Jackass.)