Here’s another response (it’s in the comments section) to my rant about ice cream: “Why can’t they just get messy? Kids are washable, who cares if they end up covered in ice cream drips.”
That is a good point. But, you never know when you’re being followed by the paparazzi. Anyway, I like to keep my kids clean for paparazzi shots or as we call them in my house, the “paps.”
Hey guys, I’m posting ElectraDaddy’s response to my rant about ice-cream cones. You will see that he is offering to make me a well-constructed DQ cone. I love ElectraDaddy, so I’m going to take him up on his offer. I’m going to jump on a plane and visit him to see if he can really make a cone that even my kids can eat. Yes, I’ll have to fly with all of my children so the tickets will be pretty pricey, but it sounds like I’m getting four free cones — and I’ll get to meet the man himself. So yippee! Don’t tell him though. It will be a surprise. Shhhh….
“Mammalingo - It’s like you’ve shot me through the heart with a poisoned arrow, ripped out said heart, & stomped that sucker flat. You should have consulted this former DQ owner. I would have steered you in the right direction.
The dilemma of which you speak is why you only give kids DQ cones. There’s no ice cream inside the cone in that picture. Who wants just cone? Think of it like this. Simon was the ice cream, so his solo act was successful. Garfunkel was the cone. He was great with ice cream, but not so much when he was just…cone. In contrast a DQ cone has soft serve inside of it.
Take a look at a DQ cone. There’s an area around the edge of the cone that’s designed to catch drips. (Sloppy DQ employees - such people should lose a finger - will cover that area by making the balls too big. Sometimes, big balls are a negative.) The Baskin-Robbins style cone you speak of has no such drip area, resulting in a messy experience.
And, Mammalingo, for you, I’d even put a dab of chocolate cone coating inside the cone. As the soft serve fills the cone, the chocolate coating will line the inside of the cone & harden. When you eat the cone, you are then enjoying the heavenly combination of cone, cone coating, & soft serve all at the same time.”
I think it’s time to address something that has been on my mind for a very, very, very long time.
Why are children allowed to eat ice cream cones?
I’m not talking about ice cream. Of course, they should be allowed to eat ice cream. It’s like the number one best part about being a child. Well, maybe the number two best part. I think the number one best part is being able to spin around in circles without barfing. I want to throw up when I just read the word “roller coaster.” Or “swing” Or “barfing.” Shockingly, I digress…
My kids do not know how to eat from ice cream cones. No matter how many times I’ve tried to explain the physics of eating from a cone, they don’t get it. I find myself actually getting mad during what’s supposed to be an enjoyable experience. “Turn the cone. Turn it. Turn it!!!! Lick it! It’s melting! It dripped! It’s dripping! Turn the cone!!!!!! For the love of God, turn it now!”
We give kids training wheels before they can ride bicycles. And most of them drink from sippy cups before moving onto martini glasses.
Please, won’t you join me in boycotting ice cream cones?
I feel a little better.
P.S. I stole this image from the website, “All Over Albany” and I don’t even live there. I’ve never even visited. If you own this image and would like me to remove it, just let me know. I was just particularly taken with it because of that little bit on the right which is ABOUT TO FALL!
P.P.S. I would also like to ban “blue” from ice cream. a) It stains. b) It turns poop green. c) I hope you’re not mad at me for talking about poop. d) I already used the word barfing twice in this post. e) Mentions of barf: 2 Mentions of poop: 2 f) I wasn’t always like this.
Reuters is reporting that a London ice-cream parlor debuted ice cream made from breast milk today. The flavor is called, “Baby Gaga.” And more than a dozen women, so far, have volunteered to sell their breast milk to make the ice cream. Even better the ice cream is being served – at least for today – by a Lady Gaga impersonator.
So, obviously, I’m thinking, “Yuck.” I mean, look at the long hair on “Lady Gaga.” I bet there’s a good chance that one of those long blonde strands might fall into the ice cream… and then I would certainly not want to eat it.
(Photo from The Daily Mail.)