momalogue n. [Fr. momma + monologue]: Running commentary given as a mother goes about her day when she has an infant. It’s the audio track for the DVD version of your exciting life: “This is where we put our dirty dishes. Let’s put away the bowls. Goodbye, Spoon. Goodbye, Fork. And this is the special place where we put the soap. Now we close the great big door. Let’s press the button. Listen! Do you hear the water? It’s working! It’s working!” When you give a momalogue, you’re being an awesome mom. When you hear someone else giving a momalogue, that person is kind of annoying.

momalogue n. [Fr. momma + monologue]: Running commentary given as a mother goes about her day when she has an infant. It’s the audio track for the DVD version of your exciting life: “This is where we put our dirty dishes. Let’s put away the bowls. Goodbye, Spoon. Goodbye, Fork. And this is the special place where we put the soap. Now we close the great big door. Let’s press the button. Listen! Do you hear the water? It’s working! It’s working!” When you give a momalogue, you’re being an awesome mom. When you hear someone else giving a momalogue, that person is kind of annoying.

NAMEGRAB v. [Fr. name + take for one’s own]: To stake a claim on a name. This is something generally done by your least favorite friend before she is even pregnant. She will tell you the name she’s planning to bestow upon her yet-to-be-conceived daughter (and for some reason, it is usually a girl that she’s decided she’s having) because she wants to make sure you don’t take the name first. If you want to burst her bubble a bit, tell her that the name she’s planning to use means something nasty in a foreign language she doesn’t speak.   NOTE: I’m recycling some old material for the next couple of days. I’m getting over some virus that involved throwing up and feeling shitty. I hope that’s okay to share. And I hope it’s okay to recycle. I know that you pay a lot to subscribe to my blog so I hate not providing you with new…. Wait! I forgot to set up that payment system when I launched the blog! I knew I forgot something! 

NAMEGRAB v. [Fr. name + take for one’s own]: To stake a claim on a name. This is something generally done by your least favorite friend before she is even pregnant. She will tell you the name she’s planning to bestow upon her yet-to-be-conceived daughter (and for some reason, it is usually a girl that she’s decided she’s having) because she wants to make sure you don’t take the name first. If you want to burst her bubble a bit, tell her that the name she’s planning to use means something nasty in a foreign language she doesn’t speak.  

NOTE: I’m recycling some old material for the next couple of days. I’m getting over some virus that involved throwing up and feeling shitty. I hope that’s okay to share. And I hope it’s okay to recycle. I know that you pay a lot to subscribe to my blog so I hate not providing you with new…. Wait! I forgot to set up that payment system when I launched the blog! I knew I forgot something! 

“Child-rearing” seems like an appropriate enough name, given how much time you spend wiping them.

A thousand apologies. A  million apologies. I beg your pardons — plural. I am so sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me. I had a story that ran on the Huffington Post a couple of days ago but I didn’t know about it until now so this is the first that you’re probably hearing about it too. I know. I know! Your weekend is almost ruined because of it. You probably tossed and turned in your sleep thinking that something, somewhere just wasn’t right. Maybe you thought you left the oven on or that you didn’t lock a window. No. No! It was me. I didn’t post my thing on time. 

Well, all is now right with the world. (Actually, it isn’t. The world’s a really messed up place but just work with me.)

Here’s the link. Please read it. Please pass it on. Or don’t. I don’t know why I ask so much of you. Ugh!!!! Sorry again. I’m so sorry. I need to go bury my head in the sand now. 

I did a rhyme-y thing for the Huffington Post called “The Year in Review in Parenting in Rhyme” or something like that. Maybe I should have said it was a rap? Raps are cool. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. It’s too late. It’s not a rap. Ugh. I blew it.    Please read it anyway. I beg you. I’m literally on my knees right now begging you to read it. It’s hard to type because I’m on my knees and my laptop is on the table, and I can barely reach.  Please. 

I did a rhyme-y thing for the Huffington Post called “The Year in Review in Parenting in Rhyme” or something like that. Maybe I should have said it was a rap? Raps are cool. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. It’s too late. It’s not a rap. Ugh. I blew it.   

Please read it anyway. I beg you. I’m literally on my knees right now begging you to read it. It’s hard to type because I’m on my knees and my laptop is on the table, and I can barely reach. 

Please.