SNOOZE CRUISE: When you go for a drive/extend your drive in the hope your baby will sleep. Often a last resort. Not the most eco-friendly option. (Submitted by Ariana of  Sun Saturated Thoughts.)
True, it’s not the most Earth-friendly thing to do. And, it can be incredibly expensive. But, come on folks, if you’re desperate enough to go on a “snooze cruise,” then you don’t really care, do you? But, as someone who’s been-there-done-that, I want to warn you about ordering drive-through anything after your baby falls asleep. I have attempted to whisper my coffee order only to have this screamed back to me through the intercom: A SMALL COFFEE? WOULD YOU LIKE CREAM?  DO YOU WANT SUGAR? WOULD YOU LIKE A DONUT?!”
Of course, my motto when it comes to my snoozing baby is, “You wake him, you take him.” Temporarily, of course. 

SNOOZE CRUISE: When you go for a drive/extend your drive in the hope your baby will sleep. Often a last resort. Not the most eco-friendly option. (Submitted by Ariana of  Sun Saturated Thoughts.)

True, it’s not the most Earth-friendly thing to do. And, it can be incredibly expensive. But, come on folks, if you’re desperate enough to go on a “snooze cruise,” then you don’t really care, do you? But, as someone who’s been-there-done-that, I want to warn you about ordering drive-through anything after your baby falls asleep. I have attempted to whisper my coffee order only to have this screamed back to me through the intercom: A SMALL COFFEE? WOULD YOU LIKE CREAM?  DO YOU WANT SUGAR? WOULD YOU LIKE A DONUT?!”

Of course, my motto when it comes to my snoozing baby is, “You wake him, you take him.” Temporarily, of course. 

I see that Dita Von Teese is the global brand ambassador for Cointreau. I don’t know exactly what being a “global brand ambassador” entails. I assume it means you get loads of whatever you’re shilling. Tons of it. More than you could ever possibly need. And that is why I would like to become a global brand ambassador for sleep.
P.S. Every couple of weeks, I now like to plug my Mammalingo Facebook page because
1) it means that you get all of my updates posted to your FB page when you “like” me
2) it helps promote Mammalingo — and who doesn’t want to do that?
3) if I reach 1,000 Facebook fans, I’m going to buy myself a pony
So, CLICK HERE if you like ponies.

I see that Dita Von Teese is the global brand ambassador for Cointreau. I don’t know exactly what being a “global brand ambassador” entails. I assume it means you get loads of whatever you’re shilling. Tons of it. More than you could ever possibly need. And that is why I would like to become a global brand ambassador for sleep.

P.S. Every couple of weeks, I now like to plug my Mammalingo Facebook page because

1) it means that you get all of my updates posted to your FB page when you “like” me

2) it helps promote Mammalingo — and who doesn’t want to do that?

3) if I reach 1,000 Facebook fans, I’m going to buy myself a pony

So, CLICK HERE if you like ponies.

So, I’m working on a new essay idea…

I will be honest and tell you that I haven’t thought it through that much yet. However, I’m a bit fascinated with how much of an industry getting our children to sleep has become. I know that I bought lots of books with my first baby. I see that there are professional “sleep trainers”… and products galore. But what were things like 20, 30 or 40 years ago (or more)? Here’s the weird question: do you think that any of YOUR parents would want to speak with me for the essay? I don’t know if it will end up being published anywhere except my blog. And, I would use first names only. If you think your mom or dad might be interested, please email me at mammalingo@gmail.com. I can send you writing samples (I’ve written frequently for The Chicago Tribune and Babble.com). My elementary school report cards. My most recent grocery store shopping list. DNA. Fingernail clippings. Whatever you need.

OBCD n. [Fr. Obsessive Breath Checking Disorder] A diagnosis most common among new mothers, symptoms include obsessively staring at a baby’s chest to ensure the rise and fall caused by normal breathing, constant placement of the mother’s hand on baby’s chest to feel this motion, and frequent “breathing checks” when baby is sleeping.
(This was submitted by Ellen from West End, NC. I recommend that you take a hop, skip and a jump over to her blog, Emomme — specifically, to the post where it all began. Ellen begins with the question that WE ALL get asked, “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” Let’s all take a moment to collectively answer, “No!” ((And if you can’t answer “no,” then for the love of God don’t tell me.)) What I like so much about Ellen’s post is it illustrates how we all have to do what works best for the baby and for ourselves ((as long as it’s safe)). I feel this way about sleep. I feel this way about breastfeeding v. formula. I feel this way about what kind of diapers I use. I feel this way about how often I shower. ((Okay, not really. Okay, yes really.)) So, when you read Ellen’s post on her blog, just remember that as long as you love your kiddo to pieces, I, for one, think you’re doing it right. ((Although who gives a crap what I think?)) And, obviously, there are times when we do not love our kiddos to pieces. But that’s another post for another time. Thank you, Ellen, for your honesty and for sharing your experience with us.)  
What about you? Does your baby sleep through the night? (Just kidding). But, what kind of experiences with sleep did you have? Any advice? Any regrets? Do you prefer Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts coffee? 
Also, if you read as many sleep books as I did, you might appreciate a parody I wrote for Babble a few months ago. If you don’t like it, it doesn’t matter, the check already cleared.

OBCD n. [Fr. Obsessive Breath Checking Disorder] A diagnosis most common among new mothers, symptoms include obsessively staring at a baby’s chest to ensure the rise and fall caused by normal breathing, constant placement of the mother’s hand on baby’s chest to feel this motion, and frequent “breathing checks” when baby is sleeping.

(This was submitted by Ellen from West End, NC. I recommend that you take a hop, skip and a jump over to her blog, Emomme — specifically, to the post where it all began. Ellen begins with the question that WE ALL get asked, “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” Let’s all take a moment to collectively answer, “No!” ((And if you can’t answer “no,” then for the love of God don’t tell me.)) What I like so much about Ellen’s post is it illustrates how we all have to do what works best for the baby and for ourselves ((as long as it’s safe)). I feel this way about sleep. I feel this way about breastfeeding v. formula. I feel this way about what kind of diapers I use. I feel this way about how often I shower. ((Okay, not really. Okay, yes really.)) So, when you read Ellen’s post on her blog, just remember that as long as you love your kiddo to pieces, I, for one, think you’re doing it right. ((Although who gives a crap what I think?)) And, obviously, there are times when we do not love our kiddos to pieces. But that’s another post for another time. Thank you, Ellen, for your honesty and for sharing your experience with us.)  

What about you? Does your baby sleep through the night? (Just kidding). But, what kind of experiences with sleep did you have? Any advice? Any regrets? Do you prefer Starbucks or Dunkin’ Donuts coffee? 

Also, if you read as many sleep books as I did, you might appreciate a parody I wrote for Babble a few months ago. If you don’t like it, it doesn’t matter, the check already cleared.

I Think They Know Exactly What They’re Doing

Why are medical professionals so convinced that newborns who sleep for longer periods of time during sunlight hours than in the night “have their days and nights mixed up”? I think these babies know EXACTLY what they’re doing. Isn’t it possible they just love the nightlife? It’s not like babies need to get up early. Babies don’t have jobs. They don’t have to get up for class. They don’t go to the gym.